Pearls & Perfection Pending

Have you ever felt anxious?  I like to think that I am a fairly grounded, reasonable person.  I tell myself that I am down-to-earth and that I go with the flow.  These are lies.  It's much easier to lie to myself than to simplify my life, let go of the things that make me crazy, and actually become that person I tell myself I already am.  This week I have been feeling anxious.  Not the unbearable-panic-attack kind, just the unsettled-mind-won't-stop-making-lists kind.  I can't seem to turn it off.  When I am sitting, I am worrying.  When I am working, my mind is racing.  When I am laying in bed, I am mentally creating check-lists of things I haven't done yet. I know what real anxiety feels like.  In the past three years, I have had three major panic attacks.  I never knew what a panic attack even was until I found myself in the middle of one.  They're not fun; I can tell you that much. The first one was at school....

As a teacher (and now professor...what?!), the idea of constantly encouraging higher-level thinking is always at the front of my mind.  We read about, think about, and talk about Bloom's taxonomy until it is sprouting out our ears.  We stress the need to create critical thinkers.  I constantly find myself saying things to students such as, "Dig a little deeper than that..." or "Let's put our problem-solving caps on..." or "Think of five different ways to answer this question with your group..." Yet... I feel like we are failing as a society to actually produce such thinkers.  Yes, there are those who examine nearly everything, and most of us question the rare, novel, or shocking.  But going about our daily lives, I feel that it is too common for people to read something, learn something (whatever the situation might be), and we accept our initial reaction to said information, make a quick evaluation of some kind, and move on. I've exper...

I spend two nights each week in a class on one of these bad boys. During tonight's class, my mind was wandering from one mental tangent to another.  I was thinking about the events of the day, the people I had met, the articles and blogs I had read.  I was focused and working hard physically, but my mind was free to roam at will.  As I looked around at the other people in the class, I saw determination, fear, awkward ambition, insecurity, pride, energy, desperation, focus, and many other emotions.  Most nights I tend to compare myself to the two class members on either side of me.  I watch their RPMs sneakily out of the corner of my eye, and try to always stay a few higher.  I peek at the miles they have traveled and try to beat them.  Hopefully you're not one of my spin bike stalk-ees. :)      Toward the end of the workout, our instructor has us do intervals.  We start with a 3 minute interval giving it all we've ...

My sweet mother-in-law bought a book for herself and gave me the eBook copy of it.  It has been fun to read so far. It is called For Times of Trouble  by Jeffrey R. Holland.  It is basically a compilation of essays on his favorite Psalms along with his thoughts about each of them. This week I've read the preface and the first chapter. While I like to think I know what's going on in the scriptures, I still can't say that I've ever read the Bible cover to cover.  I started it on the mission, but got too weirded out with the OT and gave up half way through Genesis.  Too many crazy people doing weirdo things.    I decided to read the book of psalms to go along with this book by Elder Holland.   His preface talks about how we all face trials and times of trouble, and there are various things that can bring us comfort in hard moments.  We all experience trouble and should expect it.  He quoted Harold S. Kushner saying ...

Yesterday was the annual General Conference for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  When General Conference comes around, I usually set a hundred goals for what I need to do better and how I can apply every little thing they speak about.  This time however, I tried to just get a general picture of what I need in my life.  What will affect me the most right now and have the biggest impact on my family if I apply it?  I noticed that a lot of the talks were geared toward the family and recent political debates about it.  Nothing specific was addressed regarding any particular group, or the supreme court finding the need to step into matters they probably shouldn't, but there seemed to be a few overarching ideas that I found helpful when I don't know how to respond to things going on in the world. I took away these main ideas:  -The family is sacred, eternal, and created by God with His specific purposes in mind.  It is something that mu...

If you had asked me 5 or 10 years ago what my life's ambition was, I would have answered, "To be Supermom!"  I imagined vacuuming in pearls and preparing beautiful, balanced meals. My children would always be neat, matching, and of course...perfect. Every day would start with snuggling in my feather-down bed and proceed with a tickle fight resulting in blissful giggling. We would take nature walks and my children would hang on my every knowledgeable word.  I would of course, be stylish, well accessorized, fun, and admired.       Today has been one of those days where I've had to seriously ask myself what I was possibly thinking.  Not to say that being a college student, a part-time employee getting paid nothing, a missionary, or a 4th grade teacher have been more glamorous or desirable occupations, but being a stay-at-home mom has its unique challenges. I have been pooped on, vomited on, spit up on, screamed at, cried...

I've been thinking about life lately.  And people.  Life is about people.  Good ones, bad ones, dumb ones, favorite ones.  People are the best and worst part of everything.  Whenever something goes terribly wrong, or you get really, deeply hurt, it usually has to do with something someone said or did to you (or didn't say or do).  The most memorable, treasured moments in our lives involve those we love best.  Our saddest and happiest times generally revolve around relationships and experiences with (or with a lack of) other people.   President Monson teaches that people are most important, "Never let a problem to be solved become more important than a person to be loved." I remember reading a 7 habits book by Sean Covey (son of Stephen Covey) when I was younger, which talked about relationship bank accounts (RBA).  Every single interaction we have with any person, known or unknown, is a deposit or  withdrawal  in that relations...