Pearls & Perfection Pending

Yesterday I had yet another of my famous panic attacks. This is becoming quite ridiculous. I have a very difficult time controlling my negative thoughts about myself when these begin. I don't know what the cause is or why I have suddenly developed this habit, but I sure hope it is not permanent. Today, I was fine. The words to a song I used to sing in high school kept running through my mind: "Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again." I just had to wake up this morning and think those things. I reflected a lot on what Elder Eyring said too. When I am tired and don't feel like doing what I should need to remind myself to remember Him. Elder Oaks said, "Some people live the gospel with “short, frenzied outbursts of emotion,” followed by long periods of lapse or by performance that is intermittent or sputtering. What we need in living the gospel is “the tranquil and steady dedication of a lifetime.” I hope I can come closer to thi...

I read a talk by Elder Eyring today. He was talking to the Priesthood, but I feel like I can apply some of it to my own situation. I am finding it difficult this week to keep working when I am tired or bored or working. It has been hard for me to just do simple things like clean a dish after I use it or care to fold laundry and I have become obsessed with the book I am reading for fun, neglecting other basic tasks that need to be done. I can tell that it is stressing David out because he is so kind and picks up my slack, but then gets behind in his own responsibilities! I need to be more diligent and proactive about the way that I work and serve! Elder Eyring said, "We are to learn our duty from the Lord, and then we are to act in all diligence, never being lazy or slothful. The pattern is simple but not easy to follow. We are so easily distracted. Studying the daily news can appear more interesting than the...lesson manual. Sitting down to rest can be more attractive tha...

Elder Christofferson gave a fireside this past week for the monthly CES fireside. He addressed the topic of “daily bread,” saying, “as you ask in prayer for your daily bread, consider thoughtfully your needs, both what you may lack and what you must protect against. As you retire to bed, think about the successes and failures of the day and what will make the next day a little better.” He then promised the young adults that “your [daily] reflections will increase your faith in Him as you see His hand helping you to endure some things and to change others. You will be able to rejoice in one more day, one more step toward eternal life.” I taught a lesson on Sunday about magnifying our callings. I drew a picture of a magnifying glass and we talked about how most of time when people think of magnifying a calling, they think of the function of making something seem bigger. A magnifying glass can make a tiny insect look huge. I tried to focus on the opposite function: directing light...

I've been thinking about two of my students all weekend. One of them needs serious help with being able to focus. I don't know if he has ADHD or something else. It could be any number of things. All I can see are the behaviors. I can see that he is capable of achieving when he has someone sitting right with him, helping him to stay focused. But the second he is left to his own, he literally cannot focus for more than 15 seconds. I know that the nature of these children is still to please. They want to perform well and they want to feel successful. I truly believe that if he COULD follow my directions, he WOULD. I set up a meeting with his mom and our school counselor for Monday, and I hope we are able to take some steps to help him. The other student I have been thinking about a lot lately is actually in my ward. He is very independent and rarely interacts with the other kids in my class. I don't think it is because he wants to be independent. I think he is c...

The story of Lot's wife has had a special significance to me for awhile now. Elder Holland came to BYU at the beginning of 2009 and changed the course of my life with his talk about the subject. I will be forever grateful for a prophet who taught me to listen to the revelation I had received and to never look back. What a beautiful journey it has been. I look forward to this year and the new challenges and joys it will bring.

We talked a little bit tonight about the importance of appreciating the little things in life and enjoying the journey. David's schedule this semester is quite the feat, and I have been experiencing some difficult relationships with students and peers. While, we are running from here to there getting things done and working our way through the day, it is important to enjoy what we are doing and create meaningful relationships and memories along the way.

David taught me about the Sabbath day today. We talked about a quote by President Kimball which basically said that Sunday is still a day for working, not just laying around. It is just a very different kind of work. He said that he is worried about this semester and the demands it will have on his time, but that he knows that if he keeps the Sabbath, he will find unexpected time during the rest of the week and hours that would not otherwise be there. I admire his faith.

Have you sufficiently retained in remembrance the captivity of your fathers? Alma the younger is preaching to the people in and around Zarahemla. The first thing he feels the need to tell them is that he has been given the authority to stand in front of them from his father, Alma who built up the church they are now a part of. He reminds them of the days of his father's ministry when their father's were in bondage to king Noah, and then again to the "Lamanites in the wilderness." He reminds them that it is only because of miracles that God performed in delivering their father's from bondage that they have anything now. I think this is a very interesting point for Alma to begin his discourse with these people. Whether they have truly grown apathetic to the fight of their fathers or whether Alma just wants to bring these things to their memory, it is a unique way to start a sermon. Why would it be important to remember the captivity of your fathers? Obvio...

Okay, here we go. I started reading a book today about questions. It was written by Elder Nelson's wife, Wendy Watson Nelson. I am finding it very interesting so far. She talks about how questions can affect our lives and relationships and everything around us. Questions help us reflect. As I was reading, I realized that I hardly ever question anything in a positive way. She would prompt me to think about questions I have asked myself or others and I could rarely think of anything! I hope this helps me to improve. One part stood out a lot. Brigham Young was once reprimanded publicly by Joseph Smith, and instead of defending himself or anything that I would naturally do, he asked a question: "What do you want me to do?" I think that question opened a lot of doors and provided an opportunity for reflection and sincerity. I hope I can do the same.

2010 has been my year. It was nothing short of magical. I can truly say that I have been blessed beyond anything I ever expected and feel spoiled without compare. With all that has taken place this past year, I can't help but wonder what mysteries the new year holds. It would be a shame to think that I have arrived and it will all be downhill from here! What adventures wait for me? I have a lot of high hopes for this year. Hopefully I won't stand in the way of letting heaven lead me to the greatest delights yet! Highlights of 2010 1. I survived Student Teaching 2. The most dashing man on the planet wrote me a book to ask my hand in marriage 3. I finally graduated from Brigham Young University with my Bachelor's degree 4. I went wedding dress shopping with my mom and we each picked out a dress 5. I was able to see my Mom truly joyful for the first time in my life 6. Being able to witness my mom kneel at the altar with her true love 7. Teaching piano le...