I am not an atheist

I worry too much.

Someone once told me that worry is just another form of atheism.  This is a very strange stage of life for David and me...especially me.  I am freaking out because I am transitioning from being a workin' girl to a stay-at-home mama, while David is much more stylishly freaking out about what to do with his life and what to be when he grows up.  It is hard for me to give up my income and to say, "Good luck, honey!  I know you can do it!" because it is still so uncertain right now.  I push the whole seminary thing maybe more than David wants it because to me, it looks like immediate security for a few years to pay of loans and have medical insurance taken care of.  He is always working on other ideas though and I don't know that he really wants to take that route.  It was my idea in the first place, not his passion.  It is hard for me to just trust that we will be okay financially, even if things are slow at first and we have to be more careful.  Why is it so hard?  I have come to the conclusion however, that things are going to work out.  They always do.  I always worry and doubt it, but things ALWAYS work out.  I worry about how we are going to pay for things...but guess what?  Whether I worry about it or not...the money is always there somehow.  David is a smart boy and he is going to be successful.  I make fun of him because instead of doing his accounting homework or lesson planning, I catch him doing things like updating our piano website, or reading piano teaching blogs, or searching for new piano games and music online.  He is going to make money no matter what.  It might as well be doing the thing he spends all of his time thinking about and working on anyway. I watched this the other day and it really struck me.

This life is very uncertain, but that is the beauty, isn't it?  We are the architects of our own destiny.  We get to  choose how things work out.  While all of our plans will not work the way we hope, when we choose to do what we love, and when we allow God to guide us, life is a beautiful thing. In the end, what does it matter how we earn the money we live off of?  It really doesn't.  What matters is how we live off the money we earn.  

President McKay said, Let me assure you, Brethren, that some day you will have a personal Priesthood interview with the Savior, Himself.  If you are interested, I will tell you the order in which He will ask you to account for your earthly responsibilities.

First, He will request and accountability report about your relationship with your wife.  Have you actively been engaged in making her happy and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual?

Second, He will want an accountability report about each of your children individually.  He will not attempt to have this for simply a family stewardship, but will request information about your relationship to each and every child.

Third, He will want to know what you personally have done with the talents you were given in the pre-existence.

Forth, He will want a summary of your activity in your church assignments.  he will not be necessarily interested in what assignments you have had, for in his eyes the home teacher and a mission president are probably equals, but He will request a summary of how you have been of service to your fellowmen in your church assignments.

Fifth, He will have no interest in how you earned you living, but if you were honest in all you dealings.

Sixth, He will ask for an accountability on what you have done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and the world."

So, there I have it.  David does all of these things wonderfully.  He is a good man.  He treats me like a queen, he is an amazing father, he has more talents than most people I know and works hard to have them, he is a diligent Elder's quorum president who I can see truly cares about those he serves, he is honest in everything he does, and he tries to make a difference.  What in the world am I worrying about?  It's going to work out.  What am I talking about?!  It has already worked out.  Worrying is over.  I am not an atheist.