Thoughts on the Confession

I read an article today that's been floating around the internet.  It made me think.  It was written by an LDS bishop about the lessons he has learned by simply listening to the people who seek his guidance as their local spiritual leader.  I was humbled by the many significant statements he made about his lessons learned, and found these especially insightful:

I have learned that we believe it is a strength to conceal weakness. I am a major culprit of this one.  Not just weakness, but every undesirable attribute.  Why is it so natural to pretend all the time and put up such a fake front?

I have learned that it is easy to want others to overlook our flaws as we expect perfection in them. Sorry, Honey.

I have learned that it is hardest to show compassion and grant forgiveness to those closest to us. True.

I have learned that to deal with life’s pain most of us choose one of the following: alcohol, drugs, pornography, or spirituality. This, I think, was the most interesting to me, coming from a Bishop.  He is obviously helping people cope with their most difficult inner struggles, and gets a more intimate view of what people are dealing with (at least those people who are willing to go to him seeking help).  While I have always eventually turned to spirituality (or ice cream...or chocolate) to deal with life's pain, I just never considered the other things as options.  I have personally watched what alcohol, drugs, and pornography do to people I love, and I would never dream of going anywhere near any of them.  At the same time, I know the pain of life.  I am deeply familiar with the feelings of failure, depression, hurt, offense, betrayal, exhaustion, loneliness, inadequacy, hopelessness, anxiety, loss, rejection and sorrow.  I don't live with these emotions all at once or all on a regular basis.  But I have experienced each of them from time to time enough to need an escape from their overwhelming consumption.  Any of these emotions in a large enough quantity would lead any one of us to seek refuge.  At first when I saw people close to me turn to alcohol, drugs or pornography, I saw it as weakness.  I viewed it as a voluntary choice to "live life" without regard to the way it would destroy them or their relationships.  I've come to view these things differently with time, especially with my understanding of the next two insights the bishop presented.  Choosing to turn to deity for assistance with life's challenges is the most difficult.  It requires discipline and humility, both of which I lack, and often.  It requires you to face life and all of it's pain vividly, without the apathy or dullness that any of these addictions bring.  It comes with an exhausting amount of social judgement because of the way we tend to pity those who chose one of the other routes.  But, in the end, alcoholism, drug addition, and pornography are all destructive in nature while spirituality, despite all of the flaws it might magnify in naturally prideful people, is constructive.  Even though I will seem intolerant or condescending from time to time in my personal struggle to deal with life, I will continue to turn to spirituality because it always brings me to repent and try harder.  It always eventually leads me to see what I am doing wrong and how I can fix myself.  It helps me to develop selflessness and compassion, even if it takes an indescribably long amount of time. The other three can't do that.  They provide an escape to nowhere (or worse), and create more misery in the end.

I have learned alcohol and drugs are the easiest path.  As long as you’re willing to never stop drinking, smoking, or swallowing.

I have learned pornography is highly addictive and has nothing to do with sexual appetites and everything to do with escape.  And that the habit is never overcome in isolation.

I have learned that we feel like a failure when we make mistakes even when we profess a belief that the purpose of this existence is to make and learn from them.  Why is this?  I really do believe that the purpose of this life is to gain experience and to learn from our mistakes.  Yet, not only to we often put up a fake front of happiness and perfection, but we start to feel as though we have failed when we remember that we really aren't perfect yet. Like this morning for example, I had a complete melt down while scrubbing the kitchen floor on my hands and knees because I felt like I can't keep my house clean enough or my life balanced. I felt pathetic that I now have "all the time in the world" to be a stay-at-home-mom, yet can't figure out how to get simple things done like cook and clean and change diapers...and shower before noon. Even as I type this, I am embarrassed to admit such an outburst...but why?  Why am I embarrassed by it?  Why do I feel like I need to pretend that I have it all together?  Why do I let people think my house is always spotless instead of letting them know that I made a mad-dash to clean it just before they came?  Why do I post all smiling pictures on my blog and Facebook?  For that matter...why do I only take only smiling pictures?  Let's not go to the opposite extreme...my life is in no way always miserable.  I don't mean to sound like that.  I really do love my life and my family.  I enjoy the time I have at home with my son, and although I am having a hard time making the adjustment, I wouldn't have it any other way...most days.  But my life is nowhere near perfect.  This is what I figure.  The fake front we put on isn't actually fake.  It is the best version of self we wish to portray to the world.  We talk about the good things because...well, who really wants to dwell on the negative stuff if there is another option?  We take smiling pictures because we want to remember the good times and forget the rest.  We feel like failures when we make mistakes because most of the time we are failing at the same thing we have been trying to get right for years.  It is the repetition of the failure that really gets us down.  I don't feel like a failure as a "cleaner,"  I feel like a failure as a "life-balancer", a role that I have been attempting to master for two decades.  We expect some kind of proficiency after so much time, and are disappointed in ourselves when we continue to fall short.

I have learned that forgiveness is the greatest gift we can offer someone.  And ourselves.  True that.

I have learned that many know about Jesus Christ but more of us could make an effort to know Him.  I have a long way to go on this one.

I have learned that the strongest among us are those with the cleanest mirrors.  I pledge to buy some spiritual Windex today.  I need it.

I have learned that the sins of parents profoundly affect children.  And are often repeated by them. I've seen this one. It's real.  I certainly hope I can do my kids justice.

I have learned that children desperately desire parents who listen.

I have learned that there’s more sadness in this world than I had realized.

I have learned there is more goodness in this world than I had realized.

I have learned that to be happy is a choice.

I have learned that a habit of one brief moment of spirituality a day can alter one’s entire direction.  This one struck a chord with me.  I have always, always struggled with scripture study.  Do I love the scriptures?  Yes.  Have I had spiritual experienced with them?  Yes.  Do I believe they teach us God's will for us and other lessons to learn from?  Yes.  Do I eagerly look forward to putting in my daily 30 minutes or whatever is prescribed this year?  No.  Do I often find it a chore to squeeze in between my (hopefully before noon) shower and doing the dishes?  Yes.  Here's the thing: I know that "daily scripture study" will not always be amazing or spiritual or even worth the time I put in to it.  I know that the habit of it is.  The simple habit of seeking truth and proactively choosing to fill my mind with something good determines the direction of my life.  It will not be profound every day, but the consequence of doing it is.  We always teach our piano students that practice is like eating or teeth-brushing.  Doing it in a binge effort will never ever result as well as daily consistency.  If I brush my teeth for an hour on Saturday and neglect it the rest of the week, I will surely end up with dental decay.  If I eat only once a week or a month, I will wither away.  The quality of my food matters a lot too, but the mere habit of eating each day makes all the difference in the world.